Hydrophobia

Posted Oct 30 2008

My dog, Emmy, is terrified of water. If you turn on the hose, she heads straight for the back door. When you fill her water dish, she leaves the vicinity. She once held her bladder for three days rather than venture out into the rain. I had to don a slicker and galoshes and drag […]

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Standing Up for Marriage

Posted Oct 26 2008

I’m Jeanne and I’ve been married for 30 years. (Pause for applause.) To three different men. Hey, it counts! If they move you from one jail to another, it’s still time served. This is the intro to my stand up routine, conceived at the 2006 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Conference, where they offered each participant the […]

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Getting the Off Out

Posted Oct 24 2008

So I’m taking my three-year-old granddaughter to buy a pair of shoes, because all girls need to learn to love shoes, and it’s their grandmothers’ job to teach them that, when a school bus stops in front of me and turns on its flashers. As I’m waiting for the bus to discharge its passenger, a […]

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In Celebration of Cellulite

Posted Oct 22 2008

When I was in high school, I was so thin that there was a rumor I had graduated from Auschwitz Elementary. In those days of mini-skirts, I was subjected to such taunts as, “Jeanne, you have a string hanging from your skirt. Oh, wait, that’s your leg!” and “Jeanne, can I borrow one of your […]

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Shall We Dance?

Posted Oct 21 2008

Last Monday I took my granddaughters to their first ballet class. Grace, at six, is a good child – well-behaved and eager to please. Kylie, 4 and 1/2, is none of those things. As Grace and the others were stretching along with Miss Erica, Kylie was hanging from the barre by both hands. When the […]

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Rue for Remembrance

Posted Oct 12 2008

According to an article I read in National Geographic, short-term memories get posted to your brain all day long, and at night selected ones get written into long-term memory. As we age, the brain, for unknown reasons, writes fewer and fewer things into long-term memory. Mine seems especially selective, to the point of snobbery. Every […]

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Meeting the Man

Posted Oct 9 2008

Is America the best country in the world, or what? I’m feeling like it is, because today I got to shake hands with Barack Obama. As he walked the rope line, trying his best to shake every hand thrust toward him and to make eye contact with each and every person and make them feel […]

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The Divine Miss V

Posted Oct 4 2008

On Friday I attended the funeral of my Aunt Virginia. My father’s older and only sister, she lived in Paducah, KY, in her own home, until a month or so before she died, of a brain aneurysm. Last year, at the age of 97, she had a letter to the editor regarding world events published […]

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