Fiction Friday on Hiatus: Old Joke #23

Posted Nov 13 2009 in

(Fiction Friday is on sabbatical until NaNoWriMo is over.) In its place, an old joke I found lying around: A young bride and groom are undressing on their wedding night when the bride notices that her new husband has very odd-looking knees. “What happened?” she asks. “I had the kneesles,” he says. “Don’t you mean […]

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Old Joke #21

Posted Oct 29 2009 in

How do you know when an elephant is on its period? There’s a dime on your dresser and your mattress is missing. (This one’s pretty moldy, but it still cracks me up.)

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Old Joke #20

Posted Sep 25 2009 in

(Fiction Friday will return next week, assuming my growing obsession with Glee doesn’t screw up my posting schedule again.) A Native American goes to see the medicine man. “You gotta help me, doc,” he says. “I’m not getting any sleep.” “What’s the problem?” says the doctor. “One night,” the Indian says, “I dream I’m a […]

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Old Joke #19

Posted Sep 4 2009 in

A woman whose husband has passed away comes into inspect the mortuary’s work before the viewing begins. The funeral director leads her into the room where her husband’s remains are on display. “How does he look, ma’am?” The woman begins to weep violently. “He looks very nice but Harry never wore brown suits,” she sobs. […]

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Old Joke #18

Posted Aug 22 2009 in

Did you hear about the man with three penises? His pants fit like a glove….

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The Two-Humped Camel

Posted Jul 13 2009 in

A couple of briars* ride a Bactrian to the drive-in movie. After some initial confusion, where the other theater-goers have to convince them to relocate to the back row, they watch the first feature. At intermission, they tie the camel to the speaker post and head for the concession stand, only to return to an […]

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Geriatric Sex

Posted Jun 15 2009 in

Now that Old Dog and I are aging, more and more we find ourselves gravitating towards oral sex. As he passes me in the hallway, he says, “Fuck you, old woman.” I respond, “Fuck you, old man.” Because what you do is not important, only that it’s mutually satisfying.

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Tuesday Trivia: The Number of the Beast

Posted Apr 21 2009 in

Did you ever wonder why “666” is associated with evil? In college, I took a History of Greece, Rome and Israel class, and the professor explained it like this: In Hebrew, the declarative is formed by saying a word once: holy = holy. The comparative is formed by saying it twice: holier = holy, holy. […]

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Old Joke #14

Posted Apr 15 2009 in

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]

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Old Joke #13

Posted Apr 5 2009 in

A guy wakes up after a night on the town minus his glasses, and with very few memories of the previous evening. In fact, all he has is a vague recollection of a really fancy men’s room with golden toilets. The glasses are expensive, and would take a couple of weeks to replace, so he […]

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